Everyday Magic

A little reflection and overspill. Just feeling thankful and pouring some love into the void. This time, it’s a feeling that’s more subtle—harder to put a finger on—yet just as real as the most intense flame. Soft enough to hide from view, but strong enough to tug at you ever so gently when it’s not around. The kind of presence I could enjoy any time, all the time. That everyday magic that makes the room a few shades brighter.

Transparency is a double-edged sword, and I know the best chance of something good falling into my lap is me just 🤐 and going with the flow. Still, I have the will to show some love to the single most enjoyable conversationalist I’ve come across in all my years, and I want to exercise it.

From the first time I met her, I felt a pull. It wasn’t instantly romantic, but she had this energy—like her inner child lived outside, while still carrying a beautifully intelligent mind, deep empathy, and understanding, all in perfect balance. It was easy to just appreciate her presence and forget that if I wanted something to move in any direction, I’d have to speak and lead. I had a feeling that someone else special to me at the time wouldn’t love me exploring that curiosity, so I let it linger. Yet, when circumstances lined up for us to be around each other more, it became one of the most enjoyable—if underappreciated—parts of my day.

The way our conversations flowed in every direction, yet always felt natural. The way you love life and love itself vibrates at such a high frequency, like you bring your own atmosphere, yet you’re still fully present and engaged. The way you can switch gears—getting quiet and focused, bringing a different kind of energy—without losing that spontaneous spark. I must admit, I miss it all.

We never claimed each other as best friends, or even labeled it beyond that time, but to me, it was one of the most genuine and memorable connections I’ve had. I was open and comfortable in a way that isn’t always natural for me, and the way you responded made me want to keep being myself—just to see you laugh and smile a little more.

I don’t love the note we left off on. As strongly as I cared, I don’t think that should’ve been enough to shake things like that. But with how undefined and internal it all was, I had no clarity on what to express and no right to pursue anything further. Still, it hurt.

It sucks that we never got around to binging anime, trying each other’s cooking, exploring low key city spots, or taking day trips. I know I’m “supposed” to want that overwhelming, all-consuming kind of love, but out of all the feelings I’ve experienced, if you asked me which one I could live with every single day—under any condition, in any circumstance—it would be this one.

Maybe it’s weird to say that about a friendship that was never fully defined, and not even the longest-lasting in my life, yet I can say it with full confidence. I’m a certified lover boy, and maybe this is just a bit of delusional dreaming, but I truly appreciated what you brought to my life.

P.S. Never got to give you your Secret Santa gift. I expected to cross paths with you again, but it never happened. Still couldn’t bring myself to toss it, though.